When Life is Better than Your Dreams

The past month God has been so gracious to me it has blown me away. It's funny, the closer you get to God, the more you see your sin and the more Holy and Perfect you see He is. I don't deserve anything He has given me and I've never felt so blessed in my life right now. When I met Jesus two years ago I thought that was amazing but now following Him in everything I do, yes, has been painful the deeper I go, I've never felt so grateful for for His love and the grace He's given me. To see the fruit from my time spent seeking Him blows me away but the one thing I will never understand but so grateful for is I am His and He is mine. Jesus choose me to be His and through that grace He is mine. That will never change. That's humbling.

About a month ago, I took a step into the deep end and told a close friend of mine that ever since I've known him, he's ment something to me thats been more than a friend. I'm not sure why I did it but I think it was God and His timing. I've known Aaron for 2 years and met him a week after I met Christ. He was wearing a Boba Fett t-shirt and was running sound for a CIHOP worship set. We hit it off really well and I found myself with a little crush. I told myself that no, he's a baby. I can't like him. He was 19 and I was 22 at the time. But I found myself every time I was in Cleveland to see my family, I wanted to see Aaron. That summer my cousin Bethany, my friend Steph, Josh, Bethany's now fiancé, and Aaron went to Cedar Point and camping. Those times we all got to spend together were amazing! I had no clue God was shaping my friendship with Aaron to be more. We were always texting each other wondering how each other was doing and asking questions when they came up. After camping that summer I started dating a man I just met a couple weeks before. I stopped talking to Aaron after that. When I went to visit my family Jan of this year there was a desire in me to see Aaron so I asked him if he wanted to get coffee. There, we talked about who we were dating/interested in. It felt strange but we didn't tell each other this. I went back to Michigan and I thought I was happy in my relationship with the other man but soon I stopped denying what I was truly feeling and broke up with him. That was hard and painful but God showed me so much about myself that I am grateful to God for that relationship. Towards the end of this summer I was becoming cotent with God in my singleness. Then I get a prayer request from Aaron asking if I could pray for him for something he was feeling God wanted him to do. We started talking again on and off again. We started talking a lot more once I got skype. I was going to go to IHOP's The Call and I knew my family from Cleveland was going too so I asked Aaron if he wanted to go with us. I wanted to see him. He prayed about it and decided to come and God worked it out with work so he could.
As time got closer to The Call, I found myself thinking, "Aaron is going to think I like him," because I had suggested he come. But that thought didn't bother me at all because I couldn't mistake my desire to see him. At The Call, it was so nice to see my good friend. It was like we were never apart. After The Call was over, we all went back to my mom's house. Running on two hours of sleep, Aaron and I started talking and I started asking him those questions about our friendship and what he thought about things. After he gave some vage answers I opened up about my desire to see him and how I liked him when we had met and why his opinion matter so much to me. Then he told me, "I lied. I've always wanted more." I am so grateful for God's timing and following Him!

Aaron is everything I've ever prayed for and more. I don't deserve him at all. I have no clue what is going to happen with Aaron and I but I am trusting God with everything. My prayer for us that God is always in the center of this and we trust Him.

Thank you Father for Aaron. I never thought my life would be better than my dreams.

We know better...

Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.
(Ephesians 6:5-9)

Have you ever worked in a place where you just didn't like your job and your boss wasn't a good boss? You don't like how people are being treated or what people are told? We've all been there. Some of us maybe very outspoken about it try to make change there in our own strength. Others of us show up to work, do what are told to do but only doing it enough to get that pay check because we don't want to get into the mess of what others think of us and really not being ourselves. Being people pleasers. But why do we do these things? Oh wait... because "We know better."

While meditating on Ephesians 6:5-9 this morning, the thought came to me the phares "We know better" reeks of disgusting pride and exposes the state of our hearts. Pride births all other sin. What right do we have to think we know better then God? He created us, gives us grace to breath our next breath. He is very intentional about putting us where we are, in our lives, right now. God put us in that job, put us in that school, put us in that friendship, put us in that family; God put us in to those relationships for a purpose and for His glory.

We can never forget this! I know I do all the time. I fall into this state of I know better than... and forget about why God put me into that place, or relationship. I start doing my own thing. I forget that I need to do everything to the glory of God and be light int the darkness. That is what those who follow Jesus Christ and love Him do! I can't tell you how much this hit me this morning.

We shouldn't hide ourselves, pull back, and do enough just to get by nor should we try to change the place or person all because we know better. God knows better. We need to repent and humble ourselves and trust what God tells us and follow Him.

Your Truth is beauty. Your broken body is Love.

Your Truth is beauty. Your broken body is Love.

I wonder all the time when God will move next. When He does move, I'm in awe. When He is doing something behind the scenes, I get antsy and start believing the lie Gods not doing anything because I don't see Him moving. God is always with us in Christ. Even in the mundan day to day things. He's there, loving us as we go to work, read a book, do our homework, take a test in class. If God didn't do things behind the scenes of our lives, we wouldn't see Him move when He does. The thought just came to me of how much grace it takes to want to see God move. How much He has to work in our hearts for us to see Him move. That is so humbling. Thank you Jesus.

I forget a lot of the time how much God has done for us. For us to desire Him this much and want to bring glory to His name. Our minds can't comprehend His love. To hear the story of how God the Father sent His Son Jesus to die for us brings me to tears. It's so beautiful and loving. That Jesus, who is perfect, take on all of our sin and God's wrath for that sin so we can know and love Him? Would you die for your enemies to make them your children? I don't understand why God would do this. I know I don't deserve this life in Christ but I am so thankful for it.

My heart overflows with joy and love. And I am forever grateful.

For our sake he made him (Jesus) to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God
2 Corinthians 5:21 <3

The Gift of Home

Home is such a gift. I've never thought of it until this weekend. The gift of seeing those you love and have missed. Those conversations, those smiles, those let me help yous; I'm truly thankful. There is a comfort of freedom and love.

I'm home for my sister and niece's birthday's. My sister and her family now live in D.C. I'm so happy I get to seem them this weekend, in fact, it will be our whole family. Thank You for the gift.

I'm also picking up the kids I used to nanny for today from school. They have no idea I'm coming. It will be such a joy to see their smiling faces today. I'm also excited to see some of the mom's I used to chit chat with on the playground at school while the kids played with each other.

I woke up this morning in a odd state of, I'm home. What? I'm going to work? What? I got all nervous like I've never worked before. I almost didn't believe I was home at first. Strange, I've never had that feeling before.

BIble study last night was so good and rich. Studying the book of Romans with your close friends, feeling the conviction, loving each other through it just blows my mind. God was so faithful last night for some many of us and He continues to be this morning. God's been opening my eye's to many things and loving me through them this past month. Last night was the icing on the cake. To see Him moving through those who love HIm is so refreshing. When milk is all you have been getting the last month, to come home to a steak is, is... I can't even think of the words.

This weekend has been so needed and so good. It's only Friday! Thank you Jesus for the gift of home. :-)

Waves of Grace

As I look out my window on to the skyline of Chicago, I am reminded of a picture. A picture that was taken over the summer. It's a picture of me in the corner looking down a pier into the ocean and you can see the waves get bigger as you look further out into the ocean. I find it so symbolic of God's love for us in Jesus Christ.

As we follow our call to follow Jesus Christ no matter what, His grace is like waves in a ocean. As we go deeper with Him, the waves of God's grace get bigger and bigger. We just need to have the faith to take those steps. It's scary not knowing where God might take us, or what He may show us. When God takes us to places (here in this world or in our hearts) where we don't want to go, we must trust Him and cling to Him with everything we have, and follow God.

We must remember that the only reason we are here is to bring God glory so our joy in Him may be complete. (John 16:23-24) I was reminded of this, this week after I moved to Chicago. I was sitting on on my bed crying because I was missing everyone from home and I started praying. It hit me like a tons a bricks that the only reason I am in Chicago is because of God. He put everything together for me to be here. I find that so humbling and I've found so much joy and peace.

Before classes start, I've been exploring Hyde Park and downtown Chicago. I still can't get over that I live here! I learned last night that if you want to come see me, you can stay with me for a few nights or stay in guest housing. I miss everyone so much and I hope you can come visit. I'd love you show you around.

Chicago

As I get really for my move to Chicago for semiary and start thinking of how things are coming together, it reminds me of God's love and His faithfullness. I was looking at my past pictures from college and the past two year (yes, I do that from time to time), and to see how God as woven together my life to this very moment is mind blowing! If these things haven't happened in my life, good or bad, I wouldn't be writing this or moving to Chicago! Our minds are so small, we don't have the capacity to know how good and wonderful God is!

We get to see a glimpse of His love and greatness through His Son Jesus Christ who died on a cross, taking all the world's sin, the wrath of God, and then three days later rose from the dead by the power of God conquering sin, death, giving true life and true freedom! Embracing Jesus Christ and following Him is nothing like anything this world can offer and is the best life you could ever live.

As I look on to my future, I wonder what is in God's plan for me in Chicago. How is He going to use me? What is He going to show me or what great things will I get to see Him do through other people? As I sit and think of what anything that could be, I find it humbling and a true peace inside.

I am really going to miss everyone so much! This the first time in my life where I may not come back to Michigan. In the past, when I went to Florida for 8 months and England for 4 months I knew I was coming back. I'm going to trust God and follow His call on my life where ever He may take me. Please come visit me in Chicago! I hear it's an awesome city. ;-)

Thank you for being my friends. I love you!

Oh Lord! The snow, big, white, puffy snow
the beauty, your beauty
and yet...
the snowflakes themselves give you all the glory.

The world stops
stays
waits
wonders
under this blanket of white.

Reminds us of you
your peace
patience stillness love
a smile upon your children

Your love never ends
a humbling thought.
Every time there is a blanket of white upon us...
we are made new
clean for you God.

Thank you Jesus!!!!